if only you knew.

it's been one week today since i got that dreaded phone call and rushed up to the hospital to try to say goodbye. i begged and pleaded to God to let you stay here but He knew about this day in the beginning. but you are home now.

as a devotional said on that very day and love his impeccable timing.. "if only you knew that tomorrow will be better than today. if only you knew the gift I have brought: external life. if only you knew that I want you safely home.. if only you knew.

goodbye for now

before we went to leave, you came out on the porch so i could take a picture. you will always run and put your back against the wall but didn't this time. you came and stood in the middle and looked right up as if you knew. then you said, "God make it blue sky today."

everyone wrote letters to papaw to leave with him. i was hurting that i didn't get to tell him everything i wanted before he passed but wrote and told him everything. he was the best grandpa and great-grandpa. he selflessly watched you for the first three years of your life while mommy and daddy worked to make a living and give you a life that you deserved. he always was the only one who could give you bottles, read you books during the day, fed you lunch, and you always walked to the mailbox together. you were his little buddy as he called you. you both had such a special relationship and you gave him so much happiness in the last few years of his life. you were so lucky to have him and he was lucky to have you. 

drew him a picture of you both and wrote "i and u" you had to get me to help you draw the heart. i know he was looking down and was happy. 

gran had a good idea for you to leave a book with him. we thought you would pick those dang baby einstein books you read with him but when asked what book you wanted to leave with your papaw, he immediately replied, "Jesus calling" and ran to get it. his favorite book. i know his papaw is smiling down at him. we bookmarked that day, december 31st and placed it with him.

the book and all of his notes. we love and miss you so very, very, very much papaw. it isn't the same without you here. you used to read this blog all the time, it is so sad knowing that you won't look at it anymore. but i know and believe that sometimes, you can see us all down on earth. but you are with our Jesus now... fully restored! i love you papaw.

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:5

i see the moon.

i see the moon and the moon sees me // God bless the moon and God bless me // 
please let the light that shines on me // shine on the one I love.

i remember him saying this poem when i was little. tonight as i was leaving his home, i looked up to see the stars shining so bright and them caught the moon. never seen it quite like it. it was like a huge smile. i truly believe it was like he was smiling down on us. thank you God for little things like this.

we will always carry your heart papaw. we miss and love you so very, very much. this life isn't the same without you in it. but this isn't goodbye. we rest that we will see you again someday.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."  - Revelation 21: 4-5