the meeting.

on february 28th, we met you and your amazing birthmom, haley. we were soooo very excited to head down to round rock to meet you and her. we decided to go the day before so we could relax and not be in a hurry for our friday meeting. and so i could go shopping. hmm.. that was a big deciding factor for me :) pretty much. 

we stopped in waco and got some bbq for lunch. that is a jim sized meal! 

we got to round rock about 5 and checked in at the hotel. so naturally, jim took a nap and i went shopping! first up was goodwill. as noah would call it.. "classic goodwill" silly boy! but i got some awesome pyrex and some vintage rompers for you. eeeeeeeep. i've been going a little crazy buying you things. but i have always dreamed and prayed for a little girl to join our family. 

we went to dinner at chuys. we love mexican food and was so excited to try! we had a great dinner and couldn't wait for the next day!

 

we were so excited and hopeful (and NERVOUS!) to meet haley and see you (well.. sortof. hehe) we got a call from our case worker around 10 and i FREAKED out because i thought it was being cancelled. BUT thank the good Lord she just called to say that haley's parents would be there too since she was nervous just like we were! we were excited to meet them both as well so we could get to know them as well. 

                           

the meeting was at 1:00 at cracker barrel (YUM!) we got there and met the case worker, michelle, for the first time and chatted with her while trying not to puke with nerves! then haley bounced up looking even more gorgeous than we imagined. and so teeny with a little belly poking out. we gave her a hug and met her awesome parents, dave and cindy. we all got a seat and started talking right away. the conversations were all so natural and not awkward at all. jim and i thought it felt like we were with family. the Lord was definitely present. He is so good. we talked about everything and we loved every minute of it. we talked about dreams for you little girl. haley is incredible. she loves you so very, very much. she put you above her. that is the most beautiful thing. so selfless. she told us about her hopes for your life. and she knew how God was using her to do something big. He was asking her to trust Him with her life... and yours. and she trusted you and is obeying. that is huge. she is such a special person. and in that moment, i knew why we waited so long... for haley and for you little girl. you both were so so worth it. God's plan is always perfect. always. 

we stayed for a few hours and was sad to get up and leave! i could have talked to haley forever and i felt like we had a instant connection. we all looked around the little store and then took a couple of pictures with her and you in her belly. we praised God for a wonderful meeting and trip and hoped and prayed that this was His plan. and had to trust Him that what He begins.. He will finish.

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. - Philippians 1:6 

we will trust You in every single detail. we give this all to You for Your glory and good. 

there you are in there.. hard to tell but you were :) our beautiful little girl. 

baby girl.

we first heard about you on february 5th. i will never forget that call with the caseworker. about your birthmom. and the fact that she was carrying a little girl. the little girl i have always dreamed of and prayed for. her due date was may 13th. so close but so far away. i was so excited to tell jim. he was so shocked and was so excited that we would hopefully have a precious little girl. we set the date to meet your birthmom and february 28th couldn't come fast enough. we were so excited. and nervous. and scared. and hopeful. what if she didn't like us? but we just had to trust in the Lord and for His plan. i prayed that you indeed were the one we have been waiting on. we have had some that have fell through but trusted and hoped and prayed that you were the one.



Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

if only you knew.

it's been one week today since i got that dreaded phone call and rushed up to the hospital to try to say goodbye. i begged and pleaded to God to let you stay here but He knew about this day in the beginning. but you are home now.

as a devotional said on that very day and love his impeccable timing.. "if only you knew that tomorrow will be better than today. if only you knew the gift I have brought: external life. if only you knew that I want you safely home.. if only you knew.

goodbye for now

before we went to leave, you came out on the porch so i could take a picture. you will always run and put your back against the wall but didn't this time. you came and stood in the middle and looked right up as if you knew. then you said, "God make it blue sky today."

everyone wrote letters to papaw to leave with him. i was hurting that i didn't get to tell him everything i wanted before he passed but wrote and told him everything. he was the best grandpa and great-grandpa. he selflessly watched you for the first three years of your life while mommy and daddy worked to make a living and give you a life that you deserved. he always was the only one who could give you bottles, read you books during the day, fed you lunch, and you always walked to the mailbox together. you were his little buddy as he called you. you both had such a special relationship and you gave him so much happiness in the last few years of his life. you were so lucky to have him and he was lucky to have you. 

drew him a picture of you both and wrote "i and u" you had to get me to help you draw the heart. i know he was looking down and was happy. 

gran had a good idea for you to leave a book with him. we thought you would pick those dang baby einstein books you read with him but when asked what book you wanted to leave with your papaw, he immediately replied, "Jesus calling" and ran to get it. his favorite book. i know his papaw is smiling down at him. we bookmarked that day, december 31st and placed it with him.

the book and all of his notes. we love and miss you so very, very, very much papaw. it isn't the same without you here. you used to read this blog all the time, it is so sad knowing that you won't look at it anymore. but i know and believe that sometimes, you can see us all down on earth. but you are with our Jesus now... fully restored! i love you papaw.

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:5

i see the moon.

i see the moon and the moon sees me // God bless the moon and God bless me // 
please let the light that shines on me // shine on the one I love.

i remember him saying this poem when i was little. tonight as i was leaving his home, i looked up to see the stars shining so bright and them caught the moon. never seen it quite like it. it was like a huge smile. i truly believe it was like he was smiling down on us. thank you God for little things like this.

we will always carry your heart papaw. we miss and love you so very, very much. this life isn't the same without you in it. but this isn't goodbye. we rest that we will see you again someday.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."  - Revelation 21: 4-5

today.

we didn't think today would be the day. but God knew. the last day he would be here on earth. he was the best grandpa and the best great grandpa anyone could have. he didn't get to hear me say goodbye before he left this earth. but he knew how much we all loved, cherished and respected him. he fought long and hard for himself and his family but his heart was weak and today he took his last breath. now he is with our Jesus.

i remember walking to get banana laffy taffy with him at the stop and go behind their house. how we would stay at their house every day in the summer. how he came to all of my soccer games and dance recitals. how he paid for me to get a college education and that old toyota 1988 supra for me. how he helped me all the time with my accounting and finance homework. how he would lecture us all but out of concern and not anger. how he was so proud of me and me as a mom to our noah. he selflessly watched and raised noah during the day while we worked. noah adored his papaw. he always would run right to his papaw. he called noah his "little buddy". he loved to sit in his chair and read books with his papaw. his papaw helped this boy read many words at such an early age. he watched him from three months to almost three years. they always went to get the mail everyday and would both put on their baseball caps. how he would play "tar baby" and sing "trot a little horsey" just like he did when i was little. but mostly, they would just snuggle up in his big lazy boy and snuggle. we are beyond grateful to you papaw for all you did for all of us. words cannot do justice to how much you mean to us. we will always love you and always hold a special place for you in our hearts. we will never forget you and your sacrificial heart who always put us all before yourself. although you aren't here on earth anymore and with our Jesus, we will miss you each and every day. and until that day when we all meet again. we love you so very, very, very, very much papaw.

not so SCARY!!!!!!

you woke up with a raised red bumpy rash all of your face, neck, ears, arms and legs :( mommy freaked out a little (okay, a lot) and i forgot to pack the dye free benadryl and had to call up a pharmacy to rush us some over. turns out (well, i figured this out after we got home but it was prickly heat. boo)

we all took it easy and relaxed before we headed to the pool for a bit before our BIG night at mickeys not so scary. you loved the pool and loved the "big boy scary slide". you were so happy. we pretended we were in the little mermaid and when we went under the fountain, we changed into different characters. i loved it. then we sang the little mermaid song. it was so sweet. we then went back to relax and get ready for the Halloween party!! we were praying that you would do well since you weren't feeling that great.

everything ready to go!

eeeeeee!!! so much fun! momma (and G) worked so hard on these costumes and it was so neat to see us all together

you NEVER sleep! of course, you fell asleep right on the bus. poor guy wasn't feeling great :(

you were still sleeping while we went in... and in almost every pic you were sleeping :( we even saw wreck it ralph and he begged to take a picture with russell :) 

we wanted you to experience this fun night so after a while, we woke you up.. let's just say you weren't happy. broke our hearts. but after a while, you finally perked back up. you still were sick but we had to enjoy this night :) 

my first DOLEWHIP. i have been dying for one of these and man, they were even better than i thought!!

you finally perked up when we got to tomorrowland and got in line for buzz lightyear. then, he was out and we met him!! you were excited to see him. we LOVE toy story and it was so neat to finally meet him ;) it was such a special moment that we will always cherish.

dance party with mike!

and now.. your most favorite ride of all... GOOFY's rollercoaster!!! this was your first rollercoaster and you were so excited.. and man, it was a pretty intense ride for little kids.. but you LOVED it. i told you about holding your hands up and you did the whole time. you are fearless in everything you do. when we got off, you bolted and ran to get back into the line again. you bring back memories of when i was a kid. i ran right after you and we did this about 7 times total. you would have done this all night. we even rode it while the fireworks started to go off.. talk about amazing!

blurry but look at this face! pure joy

next, it was time to go ride the little mermaid! mommy was so excited.. this is my favorite disney movie. it was so amazing. you loved it so much. you hadn't seen the movie yet but you still loved it. 

then, we literally walked right up to meet ariel!! mommy was so excited. there is something just so special about meeting these real characters :) 

we then watched the villian light show - it was incredible

what a wonderful night! a night that we will always remember for the rest of our lives.